On February 14, in honor of Valentines Day, I was asked to participate in an interview with Joy Estes of WRNJ in Hackettstown on the topic of Relationships in the era of Social Media.
The bottom line is that, love it or hate it, social media is here to stay and it is everywhere, including our love lives!
People are meeting on dating websites, flirting on Facebook, and breaking up over text message and sometimes sending out pictures they regret later on. Nobody knows the rules!
As a therapist with CONCERN EAP, my colleagues and I, often find ourselves working to help people understand the impact that social media and technology are having in and on our relationships and how we can all use these powerful tools in positive ways, while avoiding some of the many pitfalls. The rules are being written and rewritten as we speak but here are a few things we have discovered that might guide you safely through these uncharted love-life waters;
1. We all want to put our best face forward when we first meet someone we are interested in dating. This is a natural part of the dating process. But when posting a picture on a dating site, remember that eventually you will be having a real face to face meeting and your real-time self with be showing up. When choosing a picture to post, try to make it a rule to present who you are now. You are more then your picture and that is what someone will ultimately be attracted to.
2. When you are in a relationship with someone, remember that you will need real time together. Technology can be a wonderful addition to the relationship, especially for those who are traveling, have a long distance relationship or just trying to manage very busy lives. Using text messages, skyping or video calls during the day can be a quick way to stay connected, send out a message of love or a fun picture of something that reminds you of each other. But as wonderful as all these high tech communication vehicles may be, they can never replace the importance of actually being together, face to face, hand in hand. Relationships require real time, so make it a rule to make the time for each other to be together.
3. If you and your loved one are having difficulty or are fighting, you may find that technology is not your friend. Human emotion is more complex then any “emotocon” can convey. Using text messages to express anger, hurt or sadness may set you up for big misunderstandings. It is important to remember that our tone of voice and facial expression plays a very big part in our relationships. No one likes to deal with conflict or disagreements in our love life, but try to make it a rule to have those important discussions when you are together, that way when you resolve things you will be able to really kiss and make up!
These are only a few of the new rules of love in our ever changing social media world. Stay tuned because it is bound to change again soon. What does not change, is our need to be seen and heard and loved, and that is really high tech stuff!
good talk therapy 